The brutal honesty and strength from this woman amazes me, she puts many of the frat boys in the community to shame. I would not hesitate to hand her a heater and ask her to watch my back.
Spending time with a very special soon- to- be mom. Decided to use my time for more positive endeavors for instance….Spending time with people I love rather than trying to be somebody somethin’ somethin’. Even though I really don’t feel like I have much to say…I still find that taking pictures has been a healthy outlet for my disgust at the state of the nation as well as my overall sadness in regards to my family situations.Taking pictures may in fact become a source of income as well…I actually got asked to take pictures after Ryann has her baby. Yeah. Sweet. Then there’s a possible wedding to shoot in November.
I can tell that somehow, someway I have hit a nerve or resinated in the blog community. Cool. I don’t know if its because I am a stripper or because I’m half black and half white and choose to portray a white woman at work. I don’t know . Quite frankly…I no longer care. All I know is that whatever ideas you have about women in strip clubs are probably wrong or at least come from a one sided perspective. I’ve worked in the club atmosphere on and off for over 12 years. I hid that fact for nearly 11 years from my close family. Why? Due to shame. (I know, the power we allow others to have on us…) By the way, at some point you might of thought that someone would’ve noticed my boobs going from a B to a D cup. Weird, right??
Now, thats not to say I’m the Mary fuckin Poppins of strippers. ( Lol, I just cracked myself up) Yeah, I’m not perfect. I’ve struggled with drugs, alcohol, money, crazy boyfriends…blah blah….Nowadays who hasn’t??? However, all in all, I look in the mirror and see a pretty good person. People assume that because I work in a club, I must have some type of mental or moral malady. That I don’t just see this as a fuckin’ job. That I actually want to have relations with “their man”. Too that, I scoff. I graduated 16 out of 456 in my class in high school. Dropped out of the University of Arizona with a 3.0 after telling my mother that since I didn’t know what I wanted outta life , I probably shouldn’t take out any MORE school loans. I sold houses for three years honestly and watched my friends swindle friends and family for the almighty buck. I came back into the clubs 2 years ago simply just to get by. Just to get by. Just to get by….Don’t let the fake boobs and the rims on my car fool you. Guys I know buy me shit that I don’t need…so I turn around and usually give that stuff to my family. I just am sick of the trinkets of life…I don’t need anymore costume jewelry or shoes or do dads. I need the meat and potatoes (I think you feel me on this)…” Can you make a car payment?” LOL. I just give this shit away….and then go and watch my girlfriends kill for this overpriced overseas garbage. When in Rome, I guess.
I’ve quit dancing several times, only to find myself at the DES office begging for food. The economy is not good. Period. But I’m okay. Ya’ll seem ok. My ex used to joke that after listening to unrealistic clients he would laugh with his collegues, ” That,sir, goes against the laws of finance, sir”. I still remember them giggling in the living room. Yes, Reg….this shit does go against the laws of finance.
But none of that really matters because today, I saw a very beautiful woman cry. She looked at me with tears in her big blue green eyes. I asked her, ” why are you crying baby”?
“I’m just scared,” she says to me.
I was scared too. But together, we got through today. Thank you for helping me get through today, Ryann.
If you like pictures like I like pictures….check out my tumblr thingy…I like it, cuz I can just post pics and shit. Plus its less stressful.
So, I remember talking with my mom as real estate started to slow down….I asked my ma what my problem was… ”Jes, you’re too ethical.” Ha. Who would have thought ethics was such a liability?